Education is the key to how we grow as individuals and how we flourish as a community.

At YCC Family Crisis Center, we strive to educate the community about the struggles that women, children, and men go through when they experience family violence and/or sexual assault. YCC staff members provide skill-building classes for both kids and teens that will help them to better self-regulate and understand and manage their emotions. Our teachers are purposeful about building relationships with the children and teenagers in order for them to build an environment where they feel safe to learn. These classes are fun and educational and help students discover how to apply practical skills within their family and friendships.

Healthy Relationships for Teens

Discover how to build and nurture healthy relationships. Explore answers to the most frequently asked questions about teen dating, healthy relationships, and much more.

I feel like my friend is abusive to me in our relationship (not romantic). What can I do?

Ask yourself some questions.

Does your friend have to know where you are or who you are with at all times?
Does your friend tell you who you can or can’t be friends with?
Does your friend often just want to spend time with you alone and not with other friends?
Are you constantly being put down or being made fun of by your friends in front of others?
If any of the above behaviors are happening to you, you are in an unhealthy or abusive friendship.

Recognize that you deserve to feel safe around your friends.

You can’t be yourself if you don’t feel safe around a particular friend.
If you can’t be yourself, that friend is taking away the very essence of who you are.
If you don’t feel safe or can’t be yourself around that particular person, you may have to limit the time you spend with that friend or cut them out of your life as much as possible.

Set and communicate clear boundaries.

Have an honest conversation with your friend about how they make you feel, listing the good and the bad.
Describe specific healthy ways you expect to be treated.
Tell your friends that if their controlling or hurtful behavior continues, you may have to limit or at least take a break from spending time with them.

If I think my parents are in an abusive relationship, what can I do?

Tell somebody.

Is one or both of your parents unsafe?
Are you or your siblings unsafe?
If one of your parents is abusing the other, like your dad is abusing your mom, you need to tell your mom how it is affecting you and you want her and your siblings to be safe.
Sometimes a mom may not see how bad the abuse is until she sees how it is affecting her kids.
We have many moms or dads coming into our DV shelter to get away from someone abusive and to keep themselves safe.
If it’s both your parents are abusing each other, you need to tell another trusted adult.
A trusted adult may have to make a report to child protective services to keep you and your siblings safe.
It’s better to tell someone so you can keep your parents, you, and your siblings safe, than for something really bad to happen in your family or for someone to get hurt.

Learn what a healthy relationship looks like.

The home where you grow up is supposed to be your safest place to be. But sometimes, your home can be a scary place to be because of too much fighting going on.
Your family is supposed to be the best example of what a healthy relationship looks like. But sometimes, your parents’ relationship looks more unhealthy or possibly can be an abusive one.
If that’s the case, you need to surround yourself with other, possibly older adults, who are living in a healthy relationship. Maybe your friends have parents who know how to treat each other with kindness and respect and you can learn a lot from just watching them interact with each other.

Get the help you need.

When young people grow up in a violent home, they experience a lot of trauma.
They may even think that the way their parents behave can somehow be their fault.
The truth is that it is never your fault. Parents make choices of how they treat their spouses and their children. If one or both parents are abusive to the other, then it is ultimately their choice and not your fault for any reason.
If you have grown up or are currently living in a violent home, I would suggest you go and talk to your school counselor or a trusted adult about how your home life makes you feel and ask them for ways that they can get you the emotional help that you need.

What red flags should I look for before I get into a relationship?

Controlling behavior

Unhealthy and abusive relationships are all about someone trying to have power and control over their dating partner.
Controlling behaviors will include extreme jealousy and limiting who you are allowed or not allowed to have as friends.
They may also be constantly checking up on what you are doing and who you are spending your time with.

Disrespecting your boundaries

Some people may either not ask, not listen, or not care about the boundaries you try to set up in a relationship.
Others may just push your boundaries by trying to convince you that your boundaries are unrealistic or unimportant.
Disrespecting your boundaries may include coming to spend time with you when you said you wanted to be alone or borrowing your things without permission.
Breaking boundaries may also include pressuring you to go further physically than you are comfortable going.

Manipulation

Beware of someone who blames others for everything because they always have to be right.
Making you feel guilty or crazy for what you do or what you say can also be a form of manipulation.
Putting people down or calling you names can also be a way to break your self-esteem and manipulate others.

Addiction or other at-risk behaviors

Drug or alcohol addiction is not only self-destructive behavior, but it can also destroy a relationship.
All too often, a person who has never experimented with alcohol or drugs can be pressured into trying it by someone they like and are trying to impress.
Also, when someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, dangerous things are more likely to happen, like serious accidents or physical abuse.

How do I teach my kids about healthy relationships?

Be a good example.

If you want your kids to know what a healthy relationship looks like, you have to model it at home with your spouse and with your friends.
It’s also important to treat your kids with kindness and respect and apologize when you mess up or make a mistake.
Don’t be a hypocrite by telling your kids to be kind to others, but still disrespecting the significant others in your life, and then telling your kids to do what you say and not what you do.

Have intentional talks with your kids about relationships.

Spend individual time with each kid and casually bring up conversations about relationships with their friends, those they see in the media, or attitudes about dating they hear in their favorite songs. This will give you a chance to compare what they think about dating to what a healthy relationship should look like.
It is also important to have intentional conversations with your kids about the warning signs and red flags or what an unhealthy relationship looks like so they know what to avoid.
Kids learn more when they talk than when you talk. So ask good questions, guide the conversation, and spend more time listening than lecturing.

Have a healthy family.

Plan fun events and spend time together as a family.
Have dinners together as a family at least once a week.
Celebrate the big and small successes and accomplishments of your kids.
Kids from healthy families with learn what it means to have a healthy relationship in the future.

Look Inside YCC’s Teen Education & Outreach Program

Want to Host a Presentation?

YCC provides free presentations on healthy relationships to schools and youth groups. If you are interested in scheduling a presentation for your school or community group, contact Brent Hinsley, Community Engagement Coordinator.

brent.h@yccogden.org

Available topics include:

Boundaries in friendships and relationships
Bystander intervention – how to help your friends
Consent in friendships and relationships
Dating teens who share your morals, faith, and values
Disney Prince & Princess and reality
Healthy and unhealthy relationships for teens
How to break up with someone
How to recognize if the teens you work with are in unhealthy relationships
How trauma affects kids and teens
QPR Suicide Prevention

TEAL for Teens through YCC

TEAL for Teens is a support group for sexual assault survivors 14-17 years old. It is a safe space for teens to share and process the emotional impact of sexual trauma and develop skills to promote healing and healthy relationships. For more information, sign up HERE.

Other Resources

Love is Respect

This web resource provides information and resources on dating violence and healthy dating attitudes and relationships for youth. The site includes early warning signs, types of abuse, the cycle of abuse, and quizzes for teens to determine whether they are experiencing or inflicting abuse, a live chat feature that connects youth with a peer advocate 24/7, videos, a blog, and more. In addition to the live chat, Love is Respect connects youth to the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453. Youth can also reach out for help by texting “loveis” to 22522.

Bloom365

Our efforts are focused on sustainable and scalable youth-driven education, advocacy, intervention and activism in schools and organizations across Arizona and the U.S.

One Love

We empower young people with the tools and resources they need to see the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships and bring life-saving prevention education to their communities.